Melissa’s Blog

Sitting on the train reading blogs from my friend Jenny at work. She’s in Shape magazines contest: fat to fit. She’s awesome - everyone should go read her story. It makes me wanna work out and eat healthier. It’s something completly different to read about someone you know.

On the train trying to get to the city. Idk that I will ever make it. I’ve missed two trains. At least I am on one now. Meeting Scott and Eric and Noelle in the city to go to gizmodo. The chick next to me is fast asleep. I am watching her and eating sunflower seeds. Yumm.

I think we are at the last stop before Penn. So I am gonna go before we hit the tunnel and my phone dies.

More later!!!
-M

On Wednesday July 8^th, 2009 I lost a dear friend, named Ricky.  He was asleep that morning in his house, when a fire started near his bedroom.  With too much smoke and heat he didn’t have a chance to get out in time.  After being rushed to the hospital he passed away around 11:00 am. 

Ricky was someone I have known since we were 5 years old, and grew up with.  Ricky had a big heart and let a lot of people in and loved them.  One of those people was his best friend Tony aka Tony T.  From the day they met they were best friends and always together.  They created their own sayings including ‘Team Extreme’.  Together they did everything, from go out at night to play on the same softball team together.  They were inseparable.  The day of the fire Tony was not at home, he had gone to work expecting to have a great day.  That great day turned out to be one of the worst of his life.  He lost his best friend, roommate and a lot of his belongings.

This Saturday July 25^th, 2009 there will be a benefit in Tony’s honor to help raise money for him.  He lost clothes, furniture, electronics and much more that day.  Unfortunately I can not attend, but to help out I am asking anyone out there to help me help Tony.  Any donations of money, gift cards, clothes, etc… would be greatly appreciated on his behalf.  All donations will go to Tony, to help him start rebuilding.  Please send any donations to 1923 Wantagh Ave. Wantagh NY 11793 care of Tony T. 

For anyone who doesn’t know, I have HPV.  And having it has been a big struggle for me.  When I first got it, no one really knew what it was.  To me it was a big mystery.  We don’t know where I got it, or who I got it from, just that I did.  Thankfully its something that doesn’t really effect men, they just become the carrier of sorts.  

For women though it can cause anything from an STD break out, to cervical cancer.  When I found out about having this virus and everything that comes with it I freaked out.  Having no clue what was going on with my own body scared me.  In most women my age, the virus goes away on its own.  And mine did too…then a few years later it came back.  

There are two types of HPV low and high risk.  Low risk is STDs High is cancer.  I had both…that’s when the doctor suggested we do a biopsy.  The day of my appointment, I just wanted to cry sitting in the waiting room.  It was the scariest thing I have ever done.  Only to find out that in the end it wasn’t necessary.  In a month I go to the doctor, and find out once again if I am still living with HPV.

Through all this I have wanted 3 things.  Hope, Peace, and Understanding.  Hope that one day they will find a cure and I wont have to feel like I am sick.  Peace with my self and my situation, that I am ok.  And understanding of what causes HPV and why I got it.  That’s why I am starting HPU (Hope Peace Understanding) 4HPV.  HPU4HPV will be a charity that will raise awareness and understanding.  That will take its profits and put it towards research for HPV and cervical cancer.  

Eventually my website, HPU4HPV.org will be up and running, but for now you can follow the orgaization on Twitter - @HPU4HPV and email any questions to HPU4HPV@gmail.com  Anyone looking to help in any aspect (we need accounting help, people with understanding of the non-profit law, everything) please email me at the above email.

So  much to write, so little time.  So quick ‘me’ update.  I painted my room, blue and I love it.  It came out awesome - thanks to my mom and Ray for helping me out!! Other than that not much is new.  We got a DVR in our living room, which I love and dont know how I lived with out. 

I have some big trips coming up, I am going to Six Flags next month and camping the month after.  I am very excited for both and to be going with great friends.  Camping will be in Lake George and I jazzed because I have never been there.  I also have not been camping since I was … 8?  I am glad were going to a campsite that provides things I need (like plumbing) but it will still be camping.  I am a bit nervous because well, that’s what I do.  I am trying not to stress about it, but I just get anxious with trips like this.  That’s something I am trying to work on - being less stressed about the little stuff. 

I am also looking into planning a trip to Disney next year, and sooo excited about going.  I have not been there since I was 2 (which I dont remember) and I really want to go.  I am just hoping that everything works out. 

So as most of you know I am a BIG fan of Jon and Kate plus 8 (on TLC) - it is a great show about a family who had twins then sextuplets and their lives.  This show has always been a favorite of mine, until now.  Anyone who reads the tabloids or ‘weeklys’ will know that they have a big scandel going on.  They say Jon stepped out on Kate and their marriage is in trouble.  Is this true?  I think so, and that is soley based on the first episode of season 5 of their show.  To sum it up, Jon is gone, he’s checked out.  I think the fame and attention has gotten to him and he is becoming very depressed from it.  Kate is gone for work, and feels betrayed.  I think People.com summed it up best with their review of the season premier. 

Ok well that’s all I got for now, I will update soon!!

More later -

–M

So I have been reading Matt Logelin’s Blog for a while now.  His wife died the day after their daughter was born.  The liz logelin foundation was founded in her name.  Visit the link to donate and the link above to read about Matt and his daughter Maddie.

So I havent updated in a while, mostly because not a lot has been happening in the past few weeks. But one BIG thing that did was I finally got to see GUYS AND DOLLS for my bday with Scott.  (Thank you SCOTT!!)

It was soo good!! First we went to this great place in the city to eat 

BBQ upstairs - Jazz down stairs….what’s better than that????  The food was very good - and the atmosphere was even better.  Very casual - people there after work, with their kids, some on dates, people eating before a show - and the staff was really nice too.  

So my feet hurt from walking - after about 2 blocks I broke down with large amounts of pain - so before we went to the show I looked around for a place to get some more comfy shoes.  We found a place right around the corner from the show and I bought a $30 pair of sandals, -  yes that’s a bit much for shoes just because my feet hurt, but they are cute and I can wear them again - and walked out in them.  As I told Scott, I would not have made it much farther in my heels.  

When we got to the theater there was a big amount of kids/students, from some school I think in the mid west they said.  UGH I hate going to a show when there are High School kids, because they talk and laugh and are rude.  Maybe it was because we went with our theater class, but in High School we NEVER were that bad during a school trip to see a show.  Maybe because we respected the rest of the audience or maybe because we all knew Mrs. P would kill us.  Any way I snuck a picture of the stage before the show started 

I wanted to try and get a picture with Lauren Graham before or after the show but I didnt   Other wise it was an awesome night/birthday present from an awesome guy!!!

Will update with more stuff later now for bed!

-M

That’s what I feel right now…alone.  This is the worst week and I dont feel like I have anyone there to be with me or help me.  Apparently I push all my friends away and now I feel like my family is too stressed too busy to comfort me too.  I feel so alone, wanting to cry because for all my stress and heartache this week all I really wanted was for someone to give me a hug…I dont think anyone has.  I guess its too much for me to ask for.  Seems like I am going to loose everything this week, why not the people I love too?  I feel so empty and I am so scared.  I dont trust my best friend anymore and that hurts so much.  It’s like its only a matter of time before that person goes and leaves me, so I should just start letting go now…     I know they will - someone will take them away - that’s how it happened last time and its how it will happen the next time.  I am just scared the next time will be final.  Its too confusing and scary. 

I had my biopsy this week.  Scariest thing I have ever done.  Had no one there to hold my hand and tell me its going to be ok.  A week to go till I get my results and I cant catch my breath thinking about what they will be.  I pray they are good answers, that I am ok but there’s that little voice saying what if…?  What if it’s bad, what then?  I am so scared of that voice.  Its the same what if? voice telling my friend will leave again and that things wont work out with the house and that I’ll be sick and have to deal with that.  As always in my life when one part is going so well the other falls apart.  My money is in order and things are on track so of course I would get cancer tests and loose my best friend.  It’s the way things work in my life.  I just wish things would look up -

More sometime soon -

–M

I am super bored.  Bored at work, bored with life.  I feel so blah lately.  I find my self getting lost in my dreams and day dreams more and more.  I have been having really odd ones lately too.  Last nights was I owned a Jeep with holes in it.  Not sure why the plastic covering had holes but it was really annoying.  No matter how many I patched up, more and more kept showing up.  Maybe its a metaphor for my life.  I feel alone.  A lot.  Like there is no one around for me anymore.  It’s a super not fun feeling, and I am not sure how to get rid of it.  It’s not neccarily a bad thing… I like being alone, but I really feel like all my friends have disappeared - found new friends, moved on, dont have time for me, and many other things.  There was a point in time where I was out every other night, with someone doing something… now I feel like I have to beg people to see me or that well they just dont want to see me.  They are busy, or have new friends to hang with, or just dont text/call/email/write whatever anymore.  In that same aspect I have found stronger bonds with people whom I was never that super close too.  People I find I can trust and want to be around, when I am feeling that alone feeling again.  I am thankful for these people - far a few between that they are - and grateful that I have them to fall back on.  They say good friendships last a lifetime, but what happens when you have many little lifetimes in one big life.  Think about the friends you had when you were 5.  Kindergarten buddies you grew up with.  Do you still talk to them?  Are all of them still active members of your life?  Or did maybe that childhood lifetime end and you moved away or on and found newer friends and didnt quite keep up with the old ones.  Sure some linger here and there, some are truly forever, but most are after thoughts on birthdays and holidays.  Maybe you write on their Facebook wall to wish them a Happy Birthday or Congrats on the new marriage/baby/job etc…  That’s how I feel right now, that I and my fail safe good ol’ buddies are entering new lifetimes, and are loosing that constant need for each others company.  I have very few true “Best Friends” whom I hold dear to my heart and will always be there for them in this lifetime and any others we have together, even if the communication is lost. 

This all is reminding me of one of my favorite shows “The Real Housewives of Orange County”.  ( I know - I know, its not a real show, its a reality show … but I cant help it… I am addicted)  This week Vicki went home to Chicago where she grew up and visited old friends with new.  You could tell that the new friend from the OC Jeana was a little misplaced.  Which of course is to be expected when your with people who have been friends 15+ years.  But you could also tell that this bond Vicki had with these old girlfriends was stronger than hers with the OC gang.  She called them “my people”.  “Jeana look I have all my people here!”  she kept saying.  I wanna know - where are ‘my people’???  Will they be there when I come home to them?  I hope so. 

On a different but similar note, I feel like a lousy friend.  I have been avoiding outings and I am sorry to those who invited me.  I did not mean to hurt you if I did by not attending.  The main reason for my not going was mostly that I made my self sick eating too much and had a extremely painful ear ache.  I also dont have any money.  I know its fun to go out and spend money and go drinking and be young but with my finances they way they are and my mom watching all my money spent, it’s not in the cards for me to be a big spender and dance the night away.  I am sorry to my friends,  I love you and I hope you can forgive me. 

Time to stop writing.  I have said a lot and I am sure will have more crazy nonsense to write about later.

More soon!!

-M

So I tend to tease my cousin sometimes and call her a Hippie…because well she sorta is.  But I love her dearly.  And while she would be making free love and not war back in the day, I may not be by her side, but I would def. be there.  I mean to say that I must have been born in the wrong decade.  While I love this one and all the amazing people in it, I am sitting here in my bath (yes for real) and listening to the soundtrack to Dirty Dancing.  I love this music…. I know the words, I know the beat and the dances.  What I wouldnt give to be in the staff house dancing it up with Johnny and Baby.  But alas I am here.  And if I were to not be in the staff house dancing the night away, I could be out on a beach doing the twist with Frankie and Annette.  Catching some killer sets before we head over to the local joint.  Gidget would be my BFF and it would rock.  LOL I dont know why I dont seem so connected to this era.  I mean how easy is life?  I wake up from my cell phone alarm and use that to check my email, the weather and what time I have work.  I drive my car filled with $2.00 a gallon worth of gas to my electronics store job and then go to my local T.G.I. Fridays for dessert and drinks with friends.  But while I am in that car driving or laying in my bed at night I am thinking of another time and place.  I am not a huge believer in a lot of things spiritual wise.  But I must have some crazy 60’s past life that I am channelling.  Hot rods, surfing sets, dirty dancing, doing the twist and the cha-cha, wearing hot pants, and a bee hive hair do.  I would take that any day.  Maybe I am crazy?  Who knows, but if I do have a past life, I would like to be back there, with the music and clothes.  

Sigh… well my bath water is cold and my CD is off - maybe I will go cuddle up on the couch and watch a few of those old movies, 

More soon! 

-M

Just a quick blog to say hey I am blogging from my phone!! Yay!!!